i miss my ah-gongs n ah-ma...

last night when i got home my bro told me tat the pics tat they had taken at my tiong bahru grandpa's wake is out... n it's save in cd... so after my bro left to his gf's house... i was left alone so i took the cd n play in the com... without knowing tat i actually cry when i'm look at the pics n alot of my feeling come back... after finish the 800 over pics... i went to watch my vcd - di ba hao dang pu act by alex to n tian xin... i really love this show alot... i thought tat after finish 2 vcd i can have a good sleep n dont keep thinking abt my grandpas n grandma... but i was wrong... after i off all the light i went to bed... the min i lie on my bed i cry... tears just roll down non-stop... at tat time all i see was time time when the 3 of them still strong n fit... everything just flash back... n it keep playing like a show inside my head...

when i'm young... my tiong bahru grandma dote my bro n i alot... even her left hand cant move... she still can do alot of thing tat u never think of... eg. put in a tread through a needle, cooking, slicing meat, go market, n alot more... at tat time all my bro n i can help was to mop the house, carry thing for her but she's oso worry tat if the thing was too heavy for us... as my bro i r onli abt 4-5 yrs old onli... n tat is when i really learn alot of thing like mopping, washing, sewing n so on... she really teach me alot of thing... she will always love to cook cong cao dun ji tang... n this soup is really very nice... she passed away in 1991 when i'm 7yrs in pri 1... till now i still can rem everything tat happen at the wake...
my bishan grandpa dote my bro i the best... coz we r the onli 2 grandchildren tat he can see the most of the time as we really listen to him... i still rem when i'm 5yrs in K1... he will drive or fetch me home from sch by his big big lorry... i'll always sit alone at the back n my grandpa will be oso alone in the driver sit... but he will always look back to see if i'm around... coz i'll always tent to walk up n down... after i went to pri 1 my bro n i didnt stay in bishan liao... we move to my auntie's house at bt purmei... whenever is sch holiday we will go back to bishan to stay with my mummy, grandpa, grandma n great-grandma... so when ever my bro n i stay over at bishan can tell tat my grandpa n grandma really love n miss us alot... coz early in the morning b4 we wake up my grandpa will cycle to da ba yao just to buy chao shao mee for us... so once we wake up there is breakfast for us... sometime he will cook lunch n if he dont he will cycle to da ba yao again to buy chicken rice... n is the whole drumstick... than for dinner he will sure to cook our fav soup mo gu tang n fish as well... coz he know tat i love fish alot... n my grandpa cooking is really very good... so when sch holiday was the most happiest time i have... whenever sch is going to re-open my grandpa will send us back to my auntie's house... n he will sure to cry... i will oso cry when i see him cry... he passed away last yr aug... till now i still couldnt believe tat he is no longer with me... i still cant take it...
i know tat my tiong bahru grandpa is a very strong man... he can drink alot... n he will never got drunk home b4... whenever he got home after he drink he will never make a mass at home... he will still go n take a look at my tiong bahru grandma to see if she is sleeping... he can cook oso... he wu xiang is the best ar... he went market to buy meat, prawns n more... than chop them by himself... everything he put in the wu xiang is zhen cai shi liao jue dui mei you tuo gong jian liao... he will always make one big tray... n we will sure to finish it without fail... he just passed way weeks ago... i still can rem when i went to vist him at SGH he's still can hug me in arms... n hold me hand tightly dont wanna to let it go...
me now onli left with my bishan grandma who is in the old folk home now... she got lao ren chi dai zheng... is not tat my mummy dont wanna to take care of her... is just tat my mummy need to work no one is at home to take care of my grandma... wheneverwhen i'm free i'll go to the old folk hom with my mummy to look at my grandma... she dont really know tat i've already grow up liao... her thinking was tat i'm still a little kid who might fall from bed... so whenever my mummy ask her "y u hold so tight onto the bed...? izzit u scare tat ah-yan fall from bed...?" than my grandma will reply "yayaya..." n nod her head with the eyes wide open... than we will be laughing... at least we know tat she still got us...

everyone got 2 grandma n 2 grandpa... i'm onli left with one grandma whose having lao ren chi dai zheng... i really love those time when the 4 of them still very strong n fit n they really dote me alot... the 4 of them can cook very well... i really wanna to hug them, see them n kiss them... [bishan ah-gong, tiong bahru ah-gong n ah-ma... wo zhen de hao xing ni men... really wanna to see u all again...]

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *2:38 PM*

Saturday, June 25, 2005

ru hua...

just now at abt 1400h when cheryl n i r kinda free... we watch vdc is a show in jacky wu where tat is ru hua... is all abt jacky wu n nono ordering ru hua how to make fun of some of the actor or actress in taiwan... is a very funny show... coz u will hear ru hua singing... she sing "wo de yi ke xin muack muack, xian gei yi ge ren muack muack..." hahaha... this song really make us cannot tahan... both cheryl n i laugh our head off... at tat time mr melvin still handling appt... n our laughter is kinda catch their attention... so all we do is try to laugh without a noise... is kinda hard lah... coz it's really very funny... n make u cant stop laughing... there r a total of 10 vcd... i onli watch 2 vcd than i bua tahan liao... i laugh till my stomach very pain... hmmm... not bad sia... got free time must laugh abit... if not haiz... i'm just trying to keep myself with thing onli lah...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *4:56 PM*

Friday, June 24, 2005

wrong name...

just now i pass janet her bday present... is a key-chain... but when she open it than she told me tat her name is not spell as "jenet" n it spell as "janet"... walao... like tat i oso can spell wrongly... i really paisai leh... dont know where to hide... i even save her hp in my hp as "jenet" haiz... i really cannot make it... hmmm... this teach me tat next time must check again b4 i any how "change" other ppl names... hahaha... but anyway i just hope tat she will like tat key-chain... [janet... really sorry abt the wrong spelling of ur name... dont worry... next time i wont spell wrong again... hahaha... next yr ur 19th bday present i'll sure to spell correct... kekeke...]

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *10:29 PM*

Alex To poster...

last night when i'm waiting for the train to go home... than i saw there r a few poster at the door of the train n is on the up coming NKF in this july... n it is quite a number of actors, actress n singers photo is on the posters... than i just see n turn my head away... until there is one poster which is right in front of my catches my eyes... coz i saw Alex To photo is in there too... hahaha... at tat moment i quickly take a pic of the poster as i scare tat i might see any my company ppl... coz later very paisai one... coz they will sure to say i bo liao one... kekeke... but still got 2 ang moh saw me taking the pic... than all they do looking at wat i'm trying to do... n they just smile n walk away... walao... so paisai sia... bu dong yao ba wo de lian wang na li fang... must go hide liao... hahaha...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *4:23 PM*

Thursday, June 23, 2005

busy day for me...

walao... today got alot of thing to do... i do until i blur blur liao... coz today let the news out to everyone tat the BGG Deep Cleansing Wash n Deep Cleaning Milk can collect liao... than i need to check the old forms to see if they have collected anot... in case tat i given out b4 than now they come n collect again... if tat thing really happen i need to pay back to the company... than i die liao... so i must be really careful... like tat still ok leh... if i onli check my own forms... but end of the day i still need to check their files to see when is the last time they collect the product... than i ask riggis to help me to take all their managers' files is abt 6 files in total... than i still need to check one file n one from at a time... haiz... i see till i bua tahan... i took so long to finish checking all the files... n oso it make my table in a big big mass all the files n the forms r here n there... n it look more like those pasar malam selling thing... hahaha... now than i got abit of time to eat snake n write my blog... kekeke... like tat check really can die one leh... guys pls... bu yao zhe yang de nie dai wo hao ma... hahaha... i really can go crazy one leh... haiz... have to stop liao... need to do checking again...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *8:56 PM*

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

wu gui...

tat time when shiqi n i when shopping... than we saw a very nice wu gui... but they onli left with the big one than small one sold out... than shiqi very sian liao... coz can tell tat she really like tat wu gui... than i oso went shopping with my mummy to look for the wu gui... n finally my mummy found it yesterday... n she buy it than she bring it to the company to give it to n ask me to pass it to shiqi... the wu gui really very cute... cute right... my mummy buy 4 of them... than i take one n put in my room... than shiqi took one home n left two in my bro room... hahaha... so now everyone is wu gui liao... kekeke...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *9:35 PM*

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

sleepy monday...

i didnt know tat i can sleep tat long... haha... i sleep at abt 2130h n wake up at abt 1400h on monday afternoon... than i just cook a pack of mee n lazy around till abt 1700h n went to sleep again n wake up at abt 1900h...
than i went out to meet huimin nearby riggis house at abt 2230h... than wait for xiao chain n zixiang than we went to buy dinner... curry fish head, sping chicken, fries n a very nice mango cake from jurong west... we all went up to riggis house... as we r celebrating jenet's 18th bday... we all left riggis's house at abt 0010h... as we all try to catch the last train or bus home... than end of the day zixiang got last train to go home... huimin n i still got bus back... onli left with xiao chain n jenet they dont have mrt home... than they both take bus to bt batok interchange than took cab home ba... really have a very nice dinner... n the mango cake is really wow~! nice sai... the mango... the mango cream... walao... really make u liu kuo shui sia...
last but not least brithday rem to come office n take ur bday present from me... hahaha... really sorry tat i forgot to bring it to riggis's house for u...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *6:15 PM*

goodbye grandpa...

last tuesday night 14th june 2005 was the last time i see n hold on to my grandpa... i left SGH at abt 2330h... than i went to meet sebas... i reach home at abt 0200h... once i step into my house... my dad told me tat SGH called saying tat my grandpa cant make it liao... i didnt went back to SGH with my dad coz my hp low batt... than he return at abt 0445h n told me n my bro saying tat grandpa is gone forever... at tat moment i was totally shock... still rem b4 i left to meet sebas my grandpa still holding my hand n trying to say something... than i cried...
the wake is at my 1st uncle's house... it last for 5 days... from wed 15th june 2005 to sun 19th june 2005... my bro n i was there on wed morning at abt 1000h... than grandpa was back at abt 1430h... at night mr garry, mr jackie, sebas, alexx, raju, sherman, xiao chain, zixiang, dickson, justin, xiao ping, guorong, vic, riggis, jason, guan, rick, huimin n xinyi... they all play mahjong, n cards... all the way till 0600h in the morning... walao... they all really shen leh... really can tahan leh... than tat night other than they all onli left with fabian, my bro n i... all the way till 0900h of 15th june 2005 morning than i went to sleep n wake up at abt 1330h... than wed night magic n seal came down too n left abt 2330h to catch the mrt home... i tahan all the way till 0400h than i went to sleep... so left with andrew n my bro... i really cant take it liao... n wake up at abt 1130h... the 3rd night... my bro n i both abt die liao... than we both finally went home to have a good sleep... sleep at abt 0200h than reach the wake at abt 1400h... than the 4th night i didnt sleep again all the way till everything end at abt 1630h on 19th june 2005...
after everything end liao than i make a trip back to company... n i stay n hang around n look at PSC all the way huimin n jent came than accompany them to lao pa sat to eat... than after tat i took cab home as i'm really very very tired liao...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *5:23 PM*

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

grandpa heart attack again...

yesterday my mummy, my bro n i went shopping at bugis... it had been a very long time since the 3 of us went out together... we went to buy mp3 coz my bro mp3 spoil liao... my bro n i actually plan after buying the mp3 than shop awhile with my mummy b4 we went to fetch my bro's gf after work... but who know when we just finish our lunch... my bro receive a call from his dad saying tat grandpa is in the hospital bcoz of heart attack... n he was send in to SGH on sunday night... after hearing the news my bro n i rush down to SGH without thinking at all... than my mummy was left all alone... she told me tat she will be shopping for awhile b4 she went home... we reach SGH at 1600h... we onli saw our 1st uncle... than my bro n i went up to grandpa... he is having abit of problem of breathing... but went grandpa say my bro n i he got very ji dong n start to breathe very fast n like kinda going to breathless... than the nurse went in n tell us to ask my grandpa to relax n breathe slowly... haiz... grandpa always so ji dong whenever he see my bro n i... than later of the day my 1st auntie, last uncle, 3rd auntie n her husband n their daughter... than come my 1st uncle's wife n 2nd uncle... at abt 2200h the doctors put in a tube to help my grandpa to breathe coz my grandpa keep going breathless... n the doctors need to put grandpa to sleep b4 they put in the tube... after tat then we went for our dinner at a coffee shop near to SGH... we all had a long long dinner... coz my bro n i havent seen them for a very long liao... n they were like very concern abt my bro n i n as well as my mummy... they oso have say alot of thing tat his dad had done in the past... haiz... mei xiang dao ta lao pa shi na zhong ren... haiz... by the time we reach home is already very late liao...
this morning i went to SGH again to see grandpa... still the same he got ji dong again... all i know is grandpa very dote my bro n i very much when we were young... the nurse told me tat he cant sit up n if he sit up it might hurt him very badly... but this grandpa of mine never wanna to listen one... keep trying ways of ways to get up... but anyway he cant coz his both hands r been tied up... than all he can do is just to move his legs up n down, here n there... really dont know wat he wanna... we cant hear or understand wat he trying to say as the tube is there... we wanna to give him wat he wanna as we oso know tat he is feeling very xin ku... but no one can understand... i really find tat i'm very useless... haiz... my last uncle got told us tat if he can pull over this time is lucky lah... but grandpa is sure to send back to hospital once almost every 3mths... so now all of us r praying hard...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *4:41 PM*

Sunday, June 12, 2005

just let me die...

i really dont understand wat my dad is thinking abt... y cant he act more like a human... i had never see this kind of ppl or rather this kind of dad at all... last night out of the blue he say he got thing wanna to tell me... haiz... bad thing again... mei you yi jian shi hao shi... than he told me tat there is a girl from china finish her uni is coming to s'pore to help him to work... than he say she is going to sleep in my room... than he ask me where i keep the bed... the bed is make of metal n is upper n lower deck... n tat bed was used to sleep by my bro at the top n me at the lower deck... than once he can have his own room liao... than the upper deck is unused from than on... so i take it off... left with the lower deck which i'm sleeping now... both metal beds already have a few broken metal... but as long as u dont jump on it... still ok to sleep... this bed already spoil years back liao... i told my dad tat i wanna a new bed... u know wat he say "aiyo... no need lah... still can sleep one lah... wont so easy fall one lah..." than ok lah... since i have already ask so long liao... than he dont wanna to buy a new one than forget it lor... all the way till yesterday... he wanna me to fix back the bed... for tat china girl to sleep at the top... than u remind him 3 times... is not save as the top deck is unused for so long liao... it can break more easily... the n he reply without think "aiyo... oso same wat... she sleep on the top n u sleep at the lower deck lor... is ok one lah... na ge chuang bu hui ta xia lai de lah..." wat does he mean... kaoz... tat china girl come here n work one leh... who is she to have a bed... who is she to sleep on the top... who is she for me to share my room with her... who the hell she think she is... i'm his daughter leh... he dont even think for me... if the bed zhen de ta xia lai hui si de... coz all metal... everything is metal... if u as my dad really wanna me to die pls just tell me... dont need to do till like tat one... or u wanna me to move out u oso can just tell me one... bu xu yao zuo na mei duo de xiao dong zuo... than just now i told my mummy abt it... than she say "ok lor... ban chu lai lah... gan gan gen ta nao... bu yao guan liao..." she keep saying is ok for me to move out... but she never say tat i can move to stay with her... she never say at all...
fan zhen cong tou dao wei ta men liang ge dou mei you zhao gu guo wo men liang jie di... wo shi yi ge mei you ren guan he zhao gu de gu er... da cong wo chu shi de na yi tian kai shi wo jiu shi yi ge gu er le... since i'm all alone... no one is going care abt me... no one is going to take care of me... no one wanna me at all... no one wanna to keep me at all... no one understand wat i wanna... no one at all... just let me die lah... if i die liao i believe alot of ppl must be very happy or even no one will take note tat i'm dead... coz i'm just another extra no one will take note abt me... wo fang xin bu xia de shi wo di di... ta shi wo wei yi sheng huo de li you... fang zhen ta xian zai ye zhang da le... wo bu xu yao ta xin tai duo le... wo ge yi fang xin le... [di ar... dang wo bu zai de shi huo ni you hao hao de zhao gu zhi ji... yao xiao xin hor... wish tat u will be happy always... dont worry no matter wat happen i'll always be here for u... u already grow up liao... knowing wat to do liao... do take care of yourself...]

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *6:00 PM*

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

fall sick...

haiz... dont know wat happen to me recently... i'm sick since last week... having stomach pain... oso dont know wat happen... yesterday actually ok one... when we r on the way back home... my stomach till jia lat... than went to SGH again lor... reached abt 2215h... the doctor try to take my blood pressure... the 1st time the doctor take my blood pressure - cant take at all... the doctor say maybe too low tat's y cant read at all... the 2nd time 87... than the 3rd time 83... the doctor say tat my blood pressure too low liao... n from the doctor eyes n my mummy eyes can tell tat they r very worry abt my blood pressure... than after tat the doctor put me to blood test, urine test n x-ray... at tat moment i'm like "wow~! wat happen... y must go through all those tests..." but after all the test we wait for the next 1hr b4 seeing the doctor again... the doctor say everything is fine... the doctor cant find wat wrong with me... haiz... i'm like so agrrhhh... the doctor gave me some medicine n it last for 5 days... after 5 days if still like tat... the pain keep going on... the doctor actually ask me to look for fu can ke... i'm wondering again "huh~! wat's wrong leh... y must go till fu can ke... blurz..." than after tat i go back myself... i reach home at abt 0210h... like half dead like tat... sleep at 0230h... n still come to work today... haiz... actually got MCs one... but i dont wanna coz i dont wanna to be alone at home... like so ke lian like tat i dont wanna... stay at home oso no one to be there to take care of me... i really hope tat there is someone to ask me [how r u liao... feeling any better... take medicine liao mah... taken ur dinner le mah... wanna me to accompany u... wanna me to buy u dinner... wanna me to take care of u... n so on so on...] of coz i wanna all these... but i onli wanna it from him - sebas... but i know he is very vex n troubles abt his family thing... than i'll be more understanding lor... wat to do... nothing can be done...

*Love Crystal* found out the truth at *8:10 PM*